“Live well, die well” is a theme I’ve come to understand deeply—not as a philosophy, but through lived experience. This self-portrait was painted after emerging from a long and unexpected period of illness that left me unable to walk or paint. The loss of independence—and the sudden disconnect from my creative practice—was devastating. I felt my identity dissolve into silence. Thankfully, with the right medication, I’ve regained some stability. But I now live with the knowledge that wellness is fragile, and time is not to be taken for granted.

In this painting, my chin rests heavily in my hands as I gaze beyond the moment. A vase of flowers anchors the composition, radiant and full of life. The clear glass reflects light and shadow—just as I reflect on what was lost, what remains, and what still might be.

Originally, I painted oranges into the patterned background, drawn to their brightness and warmth. But I now wonder if they should have been lemons—more true to the bittersweet nature of life.
This work is both a mourning and a celebration: for the body I once had, the art I almost lost, and the peace I’ve come to find in the in-between.